For long-term results, use positive discipline, teaching good behaviour.

Parents were once seldom questioned about how they punished children. Old English Common Law regarded children simply as property. The horrible abuse of an eight-year-old orphan named Mary Ellen Wilson led attorneys in New York to turn to statutes providing humane treatment for animals, arguing that children should be afforded protection at least equivalent to existing SPCA regulations.

Avoiding Corporal Punishment

One of the most notable “adjustments” to the discipline of children has been the diminution of corporal punishment, specifically spanking. Today The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends the avoidance of corporal punishment. Still, corrective behavior typically incorporates some kind of physical or emotional pain. No thought is often given to the aberrant behavior as being symptomatic of anything other than "badness," and children who trespass are similarly "bad."

Adults who were brought up during the 'dark ages' of discipline often repeat the punishment meted out by their parents like soldiers tell war stories. There seems to be a sort of twisted pride in having survived. Worse still, those early experiences often form the nucleus of disciplinary methods subsequently employed by those children who later become parents. “It worked for me. I turned out alright,” is often the justification used for harsh punishment. But the stress, fear, and pain of punishment for parent and child can be avoided.

Discipline Teaches Proper Behavior

Punishment is not widely recommended as a means of fostering correct behavior in children. Techniques emphasizing discipline are preferred because they are designed to teach children to select appropriate behaviors based on what they have learned about values and good choices. Punishment teaches little, but may validate the use of violence toward others and cause negative feelings like resentment and anger.

If children are loved and respected, disciplinary methods can be improved. The first step in effective management of children is to know what to expect at different age levels. Spanking is irresponsibly personal and non-specific regarding age. Children don't suddenly become responsible, but develop responsibility as a result of a complex process. Caring discipline may often feel unpleasant to children, but enhances an understanding of consequences.

If a parent thinks instinctively and immediately of administering punishment the cause or meaning of the behavior may be ignored. Obviously enough punishment will change behavior, but it does not guarantee that the child has learned much. Punishment might only encourage a child to find ways to be cleverer in concealing improper behavior to avoid the punitive result.

Lying and stealing are not unusual or “abnormal” for children in early elementary school. This is not to say that these behaviors should be ignored, just that parents need not panic if their child walks off with a classmate’s pencil box. The first question parents ask an offending child is "Why?" But very young children may be unable to explain the action, while elementary school children may do so poorly. Children may be intentionally evasive in an attempt to avoid punishment. Nevertheless, parents can begin to guide them through the process of communicating the event so that their little ones begin to develop skills and also feel more comfortable about being honest.

Developing a Discipline Plan

Too often, parents give little thought in advance to management of improper behavior. One technique that can reduce frustration in parents and children is the use of a discipline plan. Such plans can be amended as your children grow, and your children can offer input.
Here are a few basic considerations for a plan:

• Be informed about child behavior at different stages of development. Try to understand emotional development and why children behave as they do.
• Develop a discipline plan before even having children. Base your plan on what you know about child psychology and what experts recommend.
• Correct inappropriate behavior, but do so calmly. Encourage discussion with your child.
• As your child develops communication skills, have planned discussions about behavior. Draw from examples in stories or from real life incidents. Ask questions that require your child to make decisions about values.
• Don’t take misbehavior personally.
• When misbehavior occurs apply a consequence that fits a previously developed plan. And do it as soon as possible. Delaying discipline is bad policy.
• Punishment (consequence) should fit the crime. If your child loses a friend's toy, you might require that he replace the toy. If he has no piggy bank for resources, he can perform chores around the house to earn money.
• Don’t threaten. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Children quickly learn to identify threats and how to ignore them. Threatening will kill the best plan.

Children are people too. They thrive on the right kinds of attention and develop healthy emotions through healthy, non-threatening relationship with important adults in their lives.
You don't have to be mean-spirited; you need to know why they do what they do. You must be sure to act in the best interest of your child. Parental actions should encourage mutual communication and emotional growth without fear.

About the author:
Harvey Craft is a retired educator and former principal, with extensive experience in teaching grades six through to twelve. He is NBPTS certified in Adolescent Science and now spends his time in educational research, consulting, and freelance writing.
Click here to contact or read more articles by Harvey Craft.

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