Tales of tots that will make you laugh!

A recent post on kids swearing pointed out that most children don't actually swear, but merely mouthing the words they have heard. While that can be alarming, this innocence often yields home comedy shows to amused parents and teachers alike. Which was I wanted to share a recent email I received. The anecdotes are not new, but they made me giggle!
Enjoy!

About finding a dead cat
A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I p*ssed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child quite innocently.
"You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in wild surprise.
"You know," explained the little boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move."

Going to bed
A small boy had been sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later: "Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad......"
"What?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to come smack you!"

Five minutes later:"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT?!!"
"When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?"

Getting into Heaven
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

My Easter dress
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
"Yes," the little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, "and Mummy says it's a b*tch to iron."

On being pregnant
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!"
To which I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your bum?'

Math problems
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He was talking to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a b*tch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a b*tch is nine....."
His mother overheard him and gasped, "What are you doing?"
To which the little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mum."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" his mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother went to the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied that they were currently learning addition.
So the mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b*tch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

And my personal favorite:

The story of Chicken Little
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused and then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

If you have any similar funny tales from tots to share, please do! We'd love to hear them!

Add your view

Submit